Would You Still Love?

Dear My Future Husband:

I have a fear, that turns into a question. What if we found each other, and we ended up getting married. Everything is perfect, and the one thing I know you want and the one thing I want to give you I can’t, a child.

What if I can’t produce a baby that will hold our legacy? What I if I can’t give you the son you may have always dreamed of to teach how be a man? The son you would want to take to sports games and teach how to play basketball. What if I can’t give you that daughter that looks like me and treat her like your little princess? That daughter that you would take to the daddy-daughter dance. What if I cant give you those things you want in a family, would you still love me? What if our family became just us?

Would you still love me if I couldn’t fulfill the things I feel make me a woman? What if I fall short as a wife and belong your helpmate? What if I gain weight? What if I don’t make you smile anymore? What if you no longer find me attractive? Would you still love? Would I still be the apple in your eye?

I’m fearful because all of this is real. What if?

You’re Brown Sugah

Dear My Future Husband:

Ima let you know now! The moment we jump that broom I’m jumping ya bones! Like seriously jumping the hell out of you. We both grown and by then it’s not in sin cause we husband and wife (jokes). Like on the way to reception we might just got to handle something cause listen . . I WANT ALL OF THAT

But seriously, I want to love you. I want to love you passionately for the rest of my life. I want you to feel the love I’m giving to you physical outside of the emotional and spiritual. I want us to be one. I know it won’t happen every time because you know kids and things like quickies happen. Bu I want you to know I desire you. I will desire you every day of our marriage. You won’t have to think if you are wanted. I will want you forever. I will want your arms around me all the time. I want your body next to mine every night, to feel your skin on mine, your lips touch mine and mine be on yours. I want you to be the moth to my flame. I want to be the honey you need to suck on to survive. I want to be that sweet thing you need. Your kryptonite cause you definitely will be mine. I mean, I’m so weak over you. I want to be weak like, let’s hurry and put the kids to sleep so I can have you and all to myself. I want you like okay, lets hurry up and get home so I can give you this real good. I want to make love you all the time. I want to love you all the time, you’re my brown sugah.

Hood but I’m Bougie

Dear My Future Husband:

I’m a true New Yorker. Like I bump Lil’ Kim “Big Momma Thing” at least 4x a day. I have to listen to all of my Biggie and a 20 minute Jay-Z session a day. I go from Lil’ Kim to YoYo to Rah Digga to some Queen and MC Lyte then I have to get some Remy Ma, Cardi B and City Girls eventually. I then slow it down with some Ashanti and R&B jams.

But my other side is classy yet bougie. Like I end my night with watching the Cosby Show because I was raised by a Claire Huxtable myself. I also have a little Whitley Gilbert in me because I was exposed to culture. I enjoy the museums and enjoy learning new things and exposing myself to things, I just don’t want to scare you.

We could literally be in the car and I’m yelling Kash Doll ‘Ice Me Out’ lyrics to the top of my lungs and then my phone rings and it’s a business call. I will go from you everyday hood-rat that pops her gum to Becky with the good hair and went to private school so quick. My code-switching game is ridiculous. But don’t get confused. Your wife is highly educated, went to the top HBCU and graduated with honors. She just enjoys some hood-rat tings while still keeping some class.

Don’t worry, our wedding will be elegant and class, until I have the DJ drop “Cash Money takin ova for the 99 and the 2000’s” and I will backin this thang up on you, so you better catch it.

I Need This

Hey babe!

I need you to be this hype walking your ass to the alter, cause if not I will make you walk again. I’m the best thing that’s about to happen to you so ima need you to be happy as hell. Like I’m your rib. You better be skipping to your Lou to get to that altar. Cause I ain’t playing.

-Your Best Thing Ever.

Deal-breaker

Dear My Future Husband:

Now, I will compromise on a few things. I will even conform if fully needed on certain things, however, I will NOT be with you if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ. I often joke that I am Ruth and just waiting on my Boaz, (refer to your bibles if you don’t know the story people). Now I’m not a bible thumper HOWEVER, I read my word, I pray, I TITHE and I worship every Sunday and at least once during the week. Spirituality/religion is what I won’t bend on and I feel most strongly about.  

All that I am and all that I have (or will have) is because of God. Through every struggle, mistake/wrong-turn, victory or moment in my life I owe to God. I have grown to know this walk in life is not my own but my walk of purpose. I cannot afford to have anything or one to mess it up but help me. Some days are hard and I don’t feel like praying. Some days I’m weary and I don’t have the faith I should. I doubt just as any other person, but that’s my walk with God.

I need you to not only believe in God (and I do mean believe like the affirmation of faith and the Lord’s prayer type of believe) but know he is the head of all we do. I need you to be the man of faith that is willing to pray for me when I can’t pray for myself. Can you be the person that prayed for me when I am at my darkest hour? Will you be able to be a leader in your faith over our household?

Are we equally yoked? Again, we can joke and play, but if we gon be in this, I need you to serious on your walk and be the man of God not I want but what I need. 

-Your Future Ruth