This is Why I am Questioning Where in the Hell you at?

Dear My Future Husband:

Let me be clear, when God brings you my way, I want to shoot the fair one. Like square all the way my mans. There is no reason for stuff like the video to be happening and I’m just waiting on your ass. At what point do you want to get on the good foot.

Nope, you want me here all alone. Don’t worry I hit your ass when we meet then I’m gonna kiss you because I still love you. But just know this right here  … I want to fight you. This is why we gon argue on site, okay?

-Your Inpatient Wife

 

I’m shaking my head with you babe, trust me.

Dear My Future Husband:

I want you to know now that you are the absolute love of my life. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you now. For being patient with me through all my difficult times and just being my friend. I will have to secretly call you my best friend though.

Let me explain why life has to be like this. While I was in college, I met the most annoying person on the Earth that the Lord saw fit for me to meet and we become the absolute best of friends. Yes, my best friend is a man. I know. But as a disclaimer, we are not, have never and will never be attracted to each other. He is just damn slow. Like you know how I told you, you may have to question if I need a check? Well he definitely is not all the way good up there baby. Like we share everything with each other. His is literally the brother I never asked for and the friend that I always wanted, just who knew he would come in the male form?

He has been a backbone for me and there for all my milestones. So let’s be clear he will be jealous for 5 minutes but ultimately happy and be just as annoying to you as he is to me. For example, he calls me at work on my cellphone as if I am not at work and will ask “What you doing?” and I will respond “At work” and he will respond “Oh, you ain’t doing nothing.”  He seriously is a jokester but the most loyal as they come.

Just as a brother, he cares about my happiness and will interrogate you like my uncle and brother. But once he knows we are serious he will think we are a team. Yes, like the three of us. I am starting to tell him now that once we meet he has to let me be with you, he won’t take it well but just know my best-friend is very important person in my life. He is up there with God and my momma, sometimes him and momma share the same position. We ain’t on some Brown Sugar though, we just two goofy souls who may need some professional help but always supporting each other in all endeavors.

P.S. He will try and make an obscene ass toast at our wedding, he is not to touch the mic babe.

-Your Wife with the Obnoxious Best-Friend

The Need to Know

Dear My Future Husband:

I’m afraid to love you. Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to explore the journey of love, ups and downs, with you. However, I question if I want to love. Be honest, do you have any reservations of loving me or anything unconditional? Besides your momma and God, cause let’s be clear if you don’t love the Almighty we got some problems.

I’m not saying I’m bringing baggage of the betrayal I’ve experienced into this but I’m afraid. Like  you really are about to know all of me, naked. My insecurities, deepest thoughts, deepest prayers, desires, goals, all of that. You not scared? Other than my ridiculousness of daily trivia in my head of the goofiest thoughts, you will know my everything and that scares me. I just think you need to know. It’s the need to know. Are you not scared?

Like you have the need to know, I hate secrets. Unless you want to surprise me with something you know I deserve, which is everything (I’m giving you a side eye right now) cause you better spoil me. You have the need to know I hate arguing. You have the need to know I need intimacy. You have the need to know I can be difficult. I want to love you, I promise to love you but you have the need to know I’m scared.

 

-Your Future Wife

Simple.

 

Dear My Future Husband:

I want you to know that there are several layers to me and there will be many layers to our relationship but the simple parts are in layer one.

  1. Don’t ignore me. Cause then I have to hop on the crazy train and be the conductor and get my passengers (friends) to help steer the bitch … hit me back.
  2. You can’t be sensitive. So as God is still preparing you ask him for a thick layer of skin cause ima roast you if you look crazy. Like if you wearing something crazy or say something weird, just know the roast is ending in a “head-ass”. So be able to run them jokes like Martin does Pam
    The moment you wanna give yourself away, I will be offering your body up as a sacrifice. Don’t do it baby. *Bryson Tiller voice* Don’t
  • Love,
  • Your Almost Crazy Wife

Capability

Dear My Future Husband:
I was up thinking last night, a lot of random thoughts, if I am capable of love. I know I’m not the only one who thinks about this. Let’s take a minute, how many times have we spoken with our close friends (male or female) about relationships> Are we truly capable of loving someone unconditionally, with all of their perfect imperfections?

For example, I don’t know if I am capable, let alone ready, to take on a relationship and love someone with certain baggage with family or insecurity. Hell, I have my own insecurities. Who doesn’t? As a woman, I deal with body image insecurities. Will I ever be enough for you? Will I be too much? Am I just someone you are settling for? Then again, I feel as if a real grown man would not have his spouse/partner feel these  emotions yet always make her secure on her position I his life and the way she is viewed to him

But for women, how would I reassure you? How would you expect me to console your insecurity?

-Your Future Wife

Heads Up

Dear My Future Hubby:

I am a close call between Synclaire from “Living Single” and “Shanice” (Cole’s girlfriend on Martin) kind of slow. Don’t get confused, I’m very bright but I’m just real goofy. Prime example, I like to play with the empty paper towel roll and sing or role play well-known black film scenes (i.e. Tyler Perry or Soul Food). But there may be some days you might question me and ask if we need to collect a check on my ass.

-Your Mentally Challenged at Times Wife